Transformative Mediation

Dear PS readers,
I am so pleased to introduce you to Eyal Rabinovitch, a gifted client of mine with much to offer. In this month’s PS, Eyal helps us understand what transformative mediation can do. Also, I was just featured in a new e-book that shares 26 stories from women entrepreneurs. I thought you might be interested in reading the series. Here’s the link. Talk to you in 2010!




In spite of all the resources out there designed to help co-workers have difficult conversations, many of us still struggle with open, direct communication in the workplace. Whether it’s because of personalities or just the conditions of the moment, sometimes the face-to-face conversation is the most dreaded moment of the day. Whether we avoid it or we suffer through it, our work and our well-being can often suffer.

With this in mind, I offer ‘everyday mediations’ for the workplace—to support those conversations that need to happen, but might be hard to have. Though mediation is typically associated with lawsuits and formal complaints, some of its methods are ideal for supporting difficult conversations in any context. Having trained in a variety of forms of mediation and dialogue facilitation, I find the methods of transformative mediation uniquely suited to help people simultaneously work through the conflicts or decisions at hand and improve the quality of their interactions going forward.

A Little Background


Transformative mediation emerged in 1995 with the publication of Robert Bush and Joe Folger’s The Promise of Mediation. They argued that mediators too often get caught up in trying to broker a deal between parties, manipulating the process or the people involved to get to settlements. But the “promise” of mediation, they argued, is that mediators can help support people’s efforts to get through difficult conversations entirely on their own accord, and in the process transform the way they interact with one another for the future.


The Basic Framework

Transformative methodology starts with a simple yet profound set of assumptions that can be summed up as follows:

Conflicted interactions produce a cycle of degeneration that makes us feel increasingly powerless and disconnected from others

We dislike that state of being, so much so that our primary reason for seeking help is usually to escape the frustration, rather than reach an agreement

Given the opportunity, we have both the will and the internal resources to shift away from the degenerative conflict cycle toward greater empowerment and recognition of others

The role of the mediator is to support opportunities for people to make such shifts

This leads to a simple set of techniques for the mediator, who:

Reflects and summarizes what the parties say so that they are certain that they are expressing themselves as they wish

Clearly identifies the similarities and differences that exist between the parties—both in terms of the content of the conversation and how they are communicating to each other

Highlights and clarifies the choices and decisions available to everyone present

Checks in with parties to ensure that they are OK with the conversation that is unfolding

Cultivating Positive Shifts

When I mediate this way, I support people’s safety and confidence to speak and listen. In other words, I enable parties to have the conversation that they truly wish to have. If I do my job right, parties will either find genuinely acceptable terms of resolution or clarify and state openly to each other that resolution is not their best option. Because I am not fixated on getting parties to agree but rather provide the space for them to speak for themselves, they will very likely have improved the nature of their communication from one that is frustrating and unproductive toward one that is clear, efficient, and empowering. Perhaps most surprisingly, studies show that transformative meditations reach agreement nearly as often as more coercive methods.

When you provide such third party support for getting through complex or tense interactions, you go beyond the typical training or reading material by offering immediate, results-oriented help. You lay down the foundation for more collaborative, enjoyable relationships between colleagues. At the same time, you affirm a commitment to respect all voices and support everyone’s ability to work together, contributing to a workplace culture that values both autonomy and mutuality.

You can find out more about Eyal and transformative mediation here…