My Journals Are Trash

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"YOU DID WHAT?!"

"I threw out all my work journals from the past 6 years."

"ARE YOU FEELING OKAY? ARE YOU HAVING SOME KIND OF ATTACK?"

"I am feeling wonderful, thank you. Light headed and light hearted. Really."

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So began a conversation with YDKASHOTE [aka "You Don't Know Anything So Hold On To Everything".] I call her KASH for short. KASH was hyperventilating as she watched me flip through these journals and toss them in the trash. KASH wanted to make me feel small and kept pressing me to reread these journals so that I wouldn't forget what I needed to know. She watched me sadly as I started my coaching calls thinking that of course I would fail my clients because I hadn't read the journals! 

I, on the other hand, was surprisingly calm. Oh I knew where she was coming from. She and I go back a long way. Probably to my high school days. And yet, as I turned the pages and read my notes, I became increasingly convinced that I had integrated what I needed to know and the rest was filler. 

I was reminded of the word for "stuff" or material things in Hebrew: Chomer. [חומר] It is also the same root as the word for donkey: Chamor. A beast of burden. And that is what these journals had become for me. A burden.

Somewhere along the way, I had developed a mistaken idea. I thought the journals were a product, a necessary commodity for my professional development. Instead, what I now understand is that they were important for the process they enabled. They helped me clarify my thoughts, organize what I was learning. Slow down. 

My journals are a pathway from where I am now to where I am going. Old journals are like outdated maps. They no longer serve to orient me. 

I will continue to keep journals, as I will continue to forge new paths. And I will ease my burden along the way.

How do you use your journals?