WORDS MATTER

Two people. Two soulful people. Two passionate people.

Two people who make a living by giving to others in deep and impactful ways.

Two people with integrity.

 

• One is frustrated because of a boss who is not leading with integrity and vision. He opened up a difficult conversation with this boss. He tried to work it through. He said things like, “You never…” “Why can’t you…?”

[This is blaming language. It leads to defensiveness or stonewalling. It escalates.]

 

• The other is frustrated because a program near and dear to her heart could get cut by the powers that be. She felt she couldn’t approach the powers so she wrote a cathartic letter to her colleagues who shared her view and blasted the leaders who didn’t.

[This is passive aggressive. This creates festering wounds inside of an organization. This is actually contemptuous.]

 

 One of my core values is that WORDS MATTER.

The words we use can create and destroy. How we speak shapes who we are and how we share meaning. When we speak from the heart we all change. We need to make room for multiple voices: those inside of us and those around us. 

My people were speaking from their frustration. From their sense of powerlessness. From their head actually disconnected from their heart. When I redirected them to their heart (and taught them a few key communication tips) the one was able to have a new kind of conversation with his boss and the other mustered the courage to speak directly and constructively to the powers that be.

 

Two lessons for me:

1)      Being human (even the best of humans) means coming face to face with emotions that are not always pretty. And so often, especially when we are good people, we hide those emotions --from ourselves. Until they leak out. Until they show up in our words.

 2)      The only way out is through—our feelings. And we need to vent and let ourselves have our tantrums and our rants. And then we need to take a deep breath and ask ourselves, “What is the conversation I need to have now? With Whom? How can I speak from my heart and be heard?” 

 

Slow & Small

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I was part of a conversation with Peter Block yesterday with my system coaching colleagues from CRR Global. I was already a huge fan. I became a bigger one. He doesn't just walk his talk he lives and breathes it. 

 

"The world is committed to speed and scale. But we go slow and small and are committed to relationship...we create sacred space in secular settings." 

 

There were many more profound things spoken in this conversation. But these words lodged in my heart. It speaks to why I do what I do. And why it can feel like a struggle sometimes. In the part of the world I inhabit, the workplace is shaking from exhaustion and nervous energy. Human relationships are a means to an end. People are valued for what they produce. Meetings are a waste if they don't result in a result I can use to perform better. 

In all my team coaching sessions, there is always a moment when humanity breaks through. When eyes lock or hearts are moved. Suddenly there is silence born of awe. It is so rare.

 

And it changes everything.