Let's Start a Revolution of Patience

Platitude Alert: CHANGE TAKES TIME

President Obama has repeatedly said that the kind of change he wants to see in this country will take time. Cynics will say that he is managing our expectations and protecting himself. I think, regardless of your politics, if you are honest with yourself you know it is true. 

And yet our way of life is so antithetical to patience with change. Now that I am at long last a smart phone owner- I know how instantaneously I get and receive information and responses. And believe me-I LOVE it. Technology has aided and abetted our addiction to speed. 

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In the coaching world we like to say that coaching is not like therapy. You can reach your goals and see progress in a much shorter amount of time.  We, too, feed into the need for people to see change quickly. And it can be true. However, what is even truer is that the real lasting change, the kind of change that takes root in your bones so that you experience yourself differently-that change is slower. I am blessed to have some clients who have been with me for years. And they will tell you, I have tried to fire them. And yet the blessing of working with them over a significant amount of time is the chance to witness lasting transformation. 

I have been working with my own coach now for 6 years. And while to most of the world, I am essentially who I have always been- I know- and she knows- that I am more resilient, more grounded, more compassionate (to myself!) and connected to all that gives meaning to my life than I was when we started. 

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Have you ever grieved for a loved one? Over 2 years after losing my sister I know that I am still learning how to live in the world as an only child. Did I move on with my life relatively soon? Sure. have I finished grieving? Not by a long shot. 

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It takes effort to slow down. I sometimes ask my clients to tap out a beat with their hand at the pace they would like to be moving. I encourage them to use this beat as their internal metronome as they talk, and walk and move through their day. Easy? Not at all. 

I am more and more convinced that our innate potential and creativity, our capacity to give and love are all a product of the slow times--not the fast ones. 

What do you think? 

Will you start this SLOW revolution with me? 

Patience

"It is only after we kindle the light in the words that we are able to behold the riches they contain. It is only after we arrive within a word that we become aware of the riches our own souls contain."

A.J. Heschel in Man's Quest for God

 

I am on my own quest to learn how to do this. My experiment so far...

I am taking the word PATIENCE and have started to light the word with the candle of my attention. When am I patient? When am I impatient? When do I give in to my impatience? What relationships help me cultivate patience? How am I patient with myself? When does that serve me? 

 

I am learning that PATIENCE is indeed laden with riches. And there are links to other words. Permission. Allow. Need. Love.

 

I arrive within PATIENCE by giving it form and substance. By practicing patience with my full awareness. I notice an urge to get up for a snack. I wait. I feel no hunger. Only a growing awareness of wanting to be distracted. I allow the need for distraction to percolate. There are emotions bubbling up. There is fear there. There is longing. There is even laughter. 

And so it goes. A slow dawning awareness of what is real and sacred within me 

If this quote holds you in its hands and looks deeply into your eyes then please, tell me what you see? 

It's Painstaking Work

Have you ever watched a programmer coding?

On a recent 6 hour flight I watched a woman coding a website.  (At least, I think that is what she was doing.) She would type a few keystrokes into a window that had lines and lines of text, then check another window with what looked like a website and see the impact. Back and forth. Back and forth. For hours.

That is what programmers and designers do, right? Somehow we expect certain kinds of work to require patience and repetition and revision. Architects come to mind, and engineers. Accountants? 

And yet when it comes to working with people- our peers, our bosses, our employees...we just want them to "get it". We don't want to repeat ourselves. We don't want to have to work through slow change efforts and revised approaches. 

Who are we kidding? People are infinitely more complex than numbers and code. And far more unpredictable.

And far more valuable. 

So keep in mind: Patience my dear friends, patience.