I HAVE GIFTS TO GIVE

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Patience

"It is only after we kindle the light in the words that we are able to behold the riches they contain. It is only after we arrive within a word that we become aware of the riches our own souls contain."

A.J. Heschel in Man's Quest for God

 

I am on my own quest to learn how to do this. My experiment so far...

I am taking the word PATIENCE and have started to light the word with the candle of my attention. When am I patient? When am I impatient? When do I give in to my impatience? What relationships help me cultivate patience? How am I patient with myself? When does that serve me? 

 

I am learning that PATIENCE is indeed laden with riches. And there are links to other words. Permission. Allow. Need. Love.

 

I arrive within PATIENCE by giving it form and substance. By practicing patience with my full awareness. I notice an urge to get up for a snack. I wait. I feel no hunger. Only a growing awareness of wanting to be distracted. I allow the need for distraction to percolate. There are emotions bubbling up. There is fear there. There is longing. There is even laughter. 

And so it goes. A slow dawning awareness of what is real and sacred within me 

If this quote holds you in its hands and looks deeply into your eyes then please, tell me what you see? 

Slow & Small

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I was part of a conversation with Peter Block yesterday with my system coaching colleagues from CRR Global. I was already a huge fan. I became a bigger one. He doesn't just walk his talk he lives and breathes it. 

 

"The world is committed to speed and scale. But we go slow and small and are committed to relationship...we create sacred space in secular settings." 

 

There were many more profound things spoken in this conversation. But these words lodged in my heart. It speaks to why I do what I do. And why it can feel like a struggle sometimes. In the part of the world I inhabit, the workplace is shaking from exhaustion and nervous energy. Human relationships are a means to an end. People are valued for what they produce. Meetings are a waste if they don't result in a result I can use to perform better. 

In all my team coaching sessions, there is always a moment when humanity breaks through. When eyes lock or hearts are moved. Suddenly there is silence born of awe. It is so rare.

 

And it changes everything.

 

 

My Journals Are Trash

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"YOU DID WHAT?!"

"I threw out all my work journals from the past 6 years."

"ARE YOU FEELING OKAY? ARE YOU HAVING SOME KIND OF ATTACK?"

"I am feeling wonderful, thank you. Light headed and light hearted. Really."

--------

So began a conversation with YDKASHOTE [aka "You Don't Know Anything So Hold On To Everything".] I call her KASH for short. KASH was hyperventilating as she watched me flip through these journals and toss them in the trash. KASH wanted to make me feel small and kept pressing me to reread these journals so that I wouldn't forget what I needed to know. She watched me sadly as I started my coaching calls thinking that of course I would fail my clients because I hadn't read the journals! 

I, on the other hand, was surprisingly calm. Oh I knew where she was coming from. She and I go back a long way. Probably to my high school days. And yet, as I turned the pages and read my notes, I became increasingly convinced that I had integrated what I needed to know and the rest was filler. 

I was reminded of the word for "stuff" or material things in Hebrew: Chomer. [חומר] It is also the same root as the word for donkey: Chamor. A beast of burden. And that is what these journals had become for me. A burden.

Somewhere along the way, I had developed a mistaken idea. I thought the journals were a product, a necessary commodity for my professional development. Instead, what I now understand is that they were important for the process they enabled. They helped me clarify my thoughts, organize what I was learning. Slow down. 

My journals are a pathway from where I am now to where I am going. Old journals are like outdated maps. They no longer serve to orient me. 

I will continue to keep journals, as I will continue to forge new paths. And I will ease my burden along the way.

How do you use your journals?

 

 

 

PLAY

Seriously..

 

<p>Trailer - SERIOUSLY! The Future depends on play from Gwen Gordon on Vimeo.</p>

 

FLOW

Sometimes all you need is a small opening....

Is Advise a Vice?

ad·vice/ədˈvīs/ 

Noun:

Guidance or recommendations concerning prudent future action, typically given by someone regarded as knowledgeable or authoritative. Information; news.

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I had three recent experiences that sensitized me again to how cautious we need to be about advice. 

• On a team call whose purpose was to help resolve one member's dilemma, advice is given ("you really shouldn't....") and the response is defensive. ("yes but....)

You might think the only issue here is that the response was defensive since the call was designed to help the person with the dilemma. But what is helpful? I find that asking questions that help clarify the issues is far more effective in the long run than offering a solution. Even if it is a solution that comes from years of your experience. Even if it is a solution that is wise. It is not always going to be easy for me to hear it, let alone implement it. Powerful questions and examples of your own experience (minus the directive) can go a long way. 

• In a team coaching context teammates are acknowledging each other for commitments honored. (You are... and you should keep on..")

The feeling in the room was positive and appreciative. And as requested, the acknowledgements were specific. But what struck me is the way that second-person speech, "you are delegating more often now..." sounds like the speaker is standing in judgment from a few rungs up the ladder of accomplishment. Contrast that with speaking in the first person about the impact on me when you honored your commitment. ("I was able to accomplish so much more when I knew you were going to be accountable for your tasks."

• A coach (yes-me!) gets overly passionate about a topic she knows a lot about and tells her client what he should do...

If you have worked with a coach, you might be sensitized to the fact that a coach doesn't usually tell her client what to do. This holds true for managers and leaders who want to coach with their employees, too. Usually I ask permission. I might tell a client I have some experience with a topic, and to let me know if and when s/he wants to me to share what I know. Anything else is a not only a self-management issue for the coach it is a power grab that takes attention away from the person trying to make sense of an issue for themselves. It builds dependency and undermines what we want- a professional who is building the problem solving muscle for themselves. 

 

 

It [excellent advice] is a good deal like giving a child a dictionary to learn a language with —Henry James