Lead This Way...

For 5 years I have been telling my clients that I don’t ascribe to or promote any particular leadership style.

 

 

My role is to help you to find your own personal way of leading that works for you.

If you try to copy someone else’s style, it will fall flat.

You have to clarify your own values and assumptions and act from that place.  What I do ascribe to is a developmental approach to leadership development. You can’t stagnate. It is critical to continue to evolve as a leader.

 

I lied.

Partially.

Not intentionally.

 

So if you work with me now or you are thinking about it- pay attention. Here is what I believe we are striving for. Good leaders…

 

Understand their own emotional reactions and use it to understand others.

            Are humble and open.

            See what is working and acknowledge it

See what is possible and work toward it

Are not always reacting;

Step back and sense what is trying to happen-

in the team

in the organization,

in the larger environment in which they function

Don’t believe they can lead alone.

Find good people.

Tap into the wisdom of their people.

 

Wait a minute.  What about-

 

Decision-making

Vision

Communication skills

(and so much else)

 

Yup—good stuff.

And you might be stronger in some areas and weaker in others.

No one can be everything.

 

I am digging a well and inviting you to gather ‘round and drink from it.

(Leadership development can make you thirsty! J)

 

 

 

Take In The View Before You Set Your Goals

I had a great conversation today with a client who is in his 4^th year at the helm of his organization. He brought about a lot of change in his first three years and really set the organization on a firm foundation toward excellence. He described it as climbing a mountain. He is now standing on the top of the mountain.

Do you know the feeling? You just completed a huge project successfully. You met some really big goals. You overcame challenges to accomplish something worthwhile. And then there is a little sadness. It’s over. Or it seems to be. What do you do with your time and energy now? How do you transition into the next thing?

Back to my client: He is a little uneasy with the calm and the seeming cessation of challenging forward movement. He asks, “What is my job now? I know there are plenty of new goals to set and so much more we could be doing. And yet, it feels like we are still walking the same paths only improving our capacity to reach the summit by degrees.”

So I encouraged him to think about his metaphor. He is now at a plateau with a vista. He can look back down and revisit the journey and the accomplishment. He can acknowledge what he and his team have been able to do. He can also look out and around. This is an opportunity to be still for a while and just notice what is happening around him. What is out there? What new possibilities? What new terrain to traverse?

Do you allow yourself some time and space between action to just notice? What catches your attention? Give yourself just a little more time than feels natural to stop planning and proposing and just watch what might emerge.

Back to my client: We started the conversation about what he is noticing. What seeds of new ideas might be hidden in the discomfort of his stillness. What new perspective he had after his first set of accomplishments. We began to map some possibilities but not too firmly. He is starting to enjoy the exploration. There is more here.

 

How about you…?

 

I don’t micro-manage…!

Is this you? Do you take pride in this fact? You probably had a boss who micro-managed you and you vowed never to do that to your people. 25 years ago, I worked for an incredibly visionary leader to whom my highest praise was, “You gave me enough rope to swing on but not enough on which to hang myself.” None of us want to feel the boss breathing down our neck and judging us at every turn.

 

However… (you knew that was coming). Ask yourself honestly if any of the following might also be true:

 

• You play traffic cop often- your people come to you with questions about priorities and workload management
• You spend a lot of time resolving conflicts and disputes between your people
• People are confused about their role or responsibility
• Your team is totally aligned with each other- in their concerns about you

 

A successful team leader does not micro-manage. You are right. But if the sum total of your success is based on what you don’t do….well—you know it is not enough.

 

A successful team leader actively builds the collective capacity of the team

 

A few more questions:

 

1.  Do you regularly bring your people together to take the pulse of the group as a whole? To think together?
2. Do you have agreed upon ways of working and acknowledged strategies for when things don’t work?
3. Do you have protocols for handling conflict?
4. Do you have tools for creating alignment among the group?

If you answered no to any of these, or if you are not sure what I am talking about the email me. Today’s leaders need to be able to form teams that are inspired, resilient, and collaborative and results oriented.

 

Don’t you want to be one?

 

 

 

I guess I was wrong...

I hired you and I am your boss.

I assume you have all the skills I attributed to you during the hiring process.

I assume you will watch me like a hawk and approach issues similarly.

I assume you will know what to do when a task falls within your purview. 

I assume that you will deliver results in a timely fashion regardless of external circumstances or delays which emanate from my office.

I assume you will always be honest with me. 

I assume that if you don't know something you will ask and you will learn. 

I assume you care about making me and the team look good.

I assume that the stellar performance I expect of you is unrelated to my leadership or comunication style. 

I assume you will accept changes I put into place and resist changes which I oppose. 

I assume you do not need regular acknowledgement or mawkish expressions of appreciation. 

oops...my bad.

 

Hard Truths

In the past month I have encountered a school, a healthcare company and a large non-profit all experiencing communication breakdown. By which I mean, people at all levels of the organization are not having direct conversations with each other. And when they are, they are being less than honest. They are talking about each other, not to each other.

“Can you believe s/he...”
“I am so frustrated with...”
“How could s/he have been promoted?”

They are seeking out managers and supervisors.

“You really need to do something about...”
“S/he is ruining the morale in...”

There are many reasons why this could be happening. Let me mention two. Your people might be thinking...

• If I take my issue up with the person directly, I might have to change too. I might have to be part of the solution.
• If I speak directly, I might face an angry response or even retaliation. We would find ourselves in conflict and things would get worse not better.

  
  Can you hear the sense of defeat and the fear underlying these? There is also powerlessness and a lack of trust.

  If you are a leader in your organization, noticing this same behavior, you probably already know that you can’t mandate it out of existence. Simply telling everyone to stop back channel conversations and work things out with each other directly is pretty useless. What you really need to do is tackle the underlying obstacles.

  1. It goes without saying that the first place to look is in the mirror. What are you modeling? What are you afraid of? What do you need to learn how to do? Having trouble being honest with yourself? Get a coach!

  2. You may need to help your people develop better communication and conflict resolution skills? First name the problem to your people. Come right out and say what you are seeing and why you feel it is tearing at the fabric of your organization. Then bring in some outside expertise to jump-start the process and continue to provide group opportunities to practice. Here are some resources to explore:

  Fierceinc.: Susan Scott’s organization gives your people a no nonsense approach to developing the skills that build powerful organizations.

  The Center for Non Violent Communication: A deeply respectful approach to communication. You can request a certified trainer to come to your organization.

  

  3. Read Five Dysfunctions of a Team together. Use the self-assessment in the back of the book. Work through each level of the model beginning with trust.

  There is no quick fix on this issue and there is no way around—only through. There will be discomfort and there will be growth. And when there is growth, there is a healthy organization.

  

FEAR.LESS

Dear Friends,

If you are not yet familiar with fearlessstories.com and the work of Ishita Gupta et al  then this is a great time to learn. I have been following the creation and growth of this online magazine since its inception. Their content is powerful, and I never fail to learn something that has lasting value for my life.

 

Today I am proud to be featured on their site. The piece is based on an interview I did with Ishita Gupta last year. I talk very personally about fear, survival strategies that have lost their power for me and how the lessons I have learned as a coach sustain me through the tough times..  

 

 

I hope you find it valuable. Please take a moment to leave a comment or reaction or even share your own story. And thank you too for sharing it widely in your own networks.

 

And don’t forget to peruse the archives. You will like what you find.

 

 

 

Leaders Build Houses

Once upon a time Josh, a high performing manager in his organization, learned that he was to have a new boss, Pete. He made an effort to get to know him. Josh tried to bring him up to date on all aspects of his area of responsibility. He knew that ongoing communication would be important and  asked for a regular meeting with Pete. When they did meet, Josh often felt that Pete was distracted; Josh frequently had to repeat information. Sometimes Pete used the meeting to talk through his own priorities. Josh tried to be a useful sounding board. Over time, Josh’s frustration grew. As his boss’ role grew and his sense of overwhelm increased Pete piled more on Josh’s plate. He never thanked or acknowledged Josh for the results he continued to achieve. Pete made many promises to Josh that he failed to follow through on. Josh would raise concerns and Pete responded by rebuffing these and talking about his own pressures. After a few years- Josh’s frustration leaked into his communication with Pete. Pete came to think he had a problem employee on his hands

 

John Gottman, PhD. may be best known for his decade’s long research on marriage relationships. He developed a theory called the Sound Relationship House Theory. It has become clear over time, however, that many of the principles which emerge out of Gottman’s research apply to all human relationships. In particular the first 3 elements of the sound relationship house seem critical to this story and to relationships in the workplace. I have taken the liberty of adapting Gottman’s language to fit an organization context:

 

1. Build and Maintain a Road Map: You might assume you already know what your employees world is like or feel you simply don’t need to know too much detail. And yet a foundation stone to your relationship is your interest in what s/he is doing. Do you know how s/he sees the goals? Do you understand the pressures at their level? Above and beyond accountability is a need for compassionate curiosity and understanding. Their world should be familiar to you—this comes with asking the right questions and listening.

 

1. Scan for Success and Express Appreciation: Pressure to deliver outstanding results usually means we are quick to notice what isn’t working. It requires discipline to take the time to notice that which we respect in our people. For this principle to function effectively it matters most that we thank and appreciate consistently. Don’t wait for the flash. Seek out the seemingly small but valuable ways in which your people are there for you and the organization on a daily basis.

 

1. Be Responsive: When people spend time together they make what Gottman calls, bids for connection. Sometimes the bids are overt as in asking a question, or making a comment. Sometimes they are more subtle, as in making eye contact or smiling as you both listen to a speaker. When we turn toward these bids by offering a response we are building relationship. When we ignore them or even turn against them by responding with a gruff annoyance we damage the relationship.

 

 

When you work on these 3 principles, you building a solid relationship house from the ground up. One that will be far better able to withstand the inevitable moments of conflict.

 

Have an opinion about this? Start a conversation with me and others right here...

What it means to be fully engaged...

 

Mind+Heart+Soul (leader)        

Mind+Heart+Soul (team)

  

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A game changing organizational system