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Small annoyances grow into large annoyances. And sometimes into crises.
Not always—but more often than we like to admit.
Small annoyances are….
Harsh or nagging emails
A knee-jerk, “no”
A need to publicly prove others wrong
Lateness or laxity
Passivity when you need energetic initiative
Aggressiveness when you need thoughtful reflection
Indecision
Rigidity
Often out of the goodness of our hearts, we dismiss our annoyed reaction. Everyone has a bad day, right? We would want the same courtesy. This is an important instinct. And we have to watch when we are relying on it a bit too much. When the annoyance becomes a pattern of behavior and we still hold back from saying something.
When is it appropriate to hold back?
When you are overwrought and too emotional to control your response
When you have no time to take in the reaction
When you are not sure if this is really more about your own triggers and not their behavior
But it is important ultimately to say something.
When I tell you about the impact of your annoying behavior on me (and possibly on our organization) I accord you a measure of respect and regard. I make the assumption that we both care about the influence we have on others. I give you an opportunity to self-correct. You can help me understand more about why this behavior is showing up. And now we can begin to work on change.
And of course, sometimes even with honest and constructive conversation, even with mentoring or coaching support, even with trying to shift things to make it possible for best selves to show up—things will not change.
In my experience, this is sad, frustrating and even challenging. But it is rarely a crisis if the lines of communication have been opened.
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