I guess I was wrong...

I hired you and I am your boss.

I assume you have all the skills I attributed to you during the hiring process.

I assume you will watch me like a hawk and approach issues similarly.

I assume you will know what to do when a task falls within your purview. 

I assume that you will deliver results in a timely fashion regardless of external circumstances or delays which emanate from my office.

I assume you will always be honest with me. 

I assume that if you don't know something you will ask and you will learn. 

I assume you care about making me and the team look good.

I assume that the stellar performance I expect of you is unrelated to my leadership or comunication style. 

I assume you will accept changes I put into place and resist changes which I oppose. 

I assume you do not need regular acknowledgement or mawkish expressions of appreciation. 

oops...my bad.

 

I don't know.

I'm going to take a radical stance on this expression.

It is evil.

It is insidious.

It is passive agressive. 

It is false.

(Except when it isn't. Of course there are things you don't know. Like where the black holes are and why they even matter. Wait, you know? Can you call me?)

I watched an interaction between a manager and her direct report. The employee was angry. He cut her off numerous times. He asked sarcastic questions. He attacked and blamed. And when he was asked, "What do you need?" He said...."I don't know". 

I was incredulous. Really? What is that about? And where can this relationship go if the angry party can't ask for what he needs?

It drives my son crazy when I ask him a question about what he wants or what he needs and he says, "I don't know" and I respond, "Pretend you know. What would you say?"

It might drive you crazy too. 

And yet, most of the time when we say, "I don't know" in response to a question about our own feelings or needs- we are lying. We do know. But we don't feel comfrotable saying it. Maybe it is hard even to admit to ourselves. Maybe we are worried about repercussions. Maybe we like the power that comes from witholding. 

Are you struggling with this? Well you can call me too. 

 

Promise leads to Partnership

A work team is in trouble. They are under a lot of pressure to "get it right". Getting it right in this case means, accuracy, efficiency and most difficult- getting the rest of the organization to change the way certain processes have always been done. 

They don't agree on much. Trust has eroded. Competing priorities are wreaking havoc on results. And no one is very happy to come to work every morning. 

My work with this team began by helping the group to articulate some agreement for how they will work together. They were asked to make a verbal committment to each other to honor these agreements.

At the end of our first session- they each looked each other in the eye to seal the agreement.  It was both solemn and joyful. It was the moment when they turned a corner. They took their first steps toward repair.