Curtain Call for Being Busy?!

Recently, when I asked a client if he had a conversation that he had been eager to have and that we prepared for together, he said, “No I have been too busy.” In our day-to-day lives, we hear this from each other all the time. In fact we probably say it all the time. And yet as a coach—it stopped me short. 

 

Before I say more about why—you might be interested in what others have been writing and saying about being busy.

 

This piece, entitled “The Busy Trap” from the NY Times was very poignant and I like the fact that he talks about being busy as “a choice!”

 

This article from Kids Health cites a poll of over 880 kids aged 9-13. It turns out that 90% of them felt stressed because they were too busy.

 

This thought piece entitled, “Why Being Busy Can Keep You From Getting Ahead” which appeared in Forbes suggests that busy-making activities usually are down in the details and take us away from reflective big picture thinking.

 

So why did my client’s statement that he was too busy stop me short?

 

It helped me to realize that we had failed to work through a more core ambivalence about the conversation. “I have been too busy” is an excuse. In this case it is really saying,

 

“I am not sure I want to have this conversation.”

Or

“I am worried I will blow it.”

Or

“I don’t want to be rejected.”

 

And this is something I see a lot. We use busyness as a way of avoiding important relationship moves. We avoid dodge hard truths. We shun confrontation. We sidestep commitment. We avoid uncertainty. And to complicate matters, society has made it socially acceptable to hide behind being “busy”.

 

I am grateful that my clients are courageous enough to revisit their own ambivalences and work through them. Together we are pulling aside the curtain of busyness and shining a light on what it has been masking…