Cherishing A Story of Failure

Once upon a time, I was a first time Principal of a small struggling school. I hired a young, novice teacher and she was amazing. I loved her creativity, and the way the students learned to think in her class. She inspired me and energized the whole faculty. And then a few weeks before the end of the school year, her father passed away—suddenly. She took the call in our school office. It was a devastating blow. It broke my heart as I put her into a car that would take her home to her family. I went to visit her while she was sitting shiva¹. 

And then I got it wrong.

We had no bereavement policy. I never talked to her about her plans. With the end of year approaching, I simply assumed she would not be returning to school. I took her off the payroll! I had a nagging feeling that it wasn’t the right thing to do and I ignored it. And she came back. And there was some eleventh hour scrambling. 

It all worked out in the end.

What did I learn?

• Never make assumptions. Have the uncomfortable conversations.
• Don’t make unilateral decisions when you have no idea what you are doing and don’t be afraid to look stupid. Check in with the people who may have a perspective you simply lack.
• Being fiscally responsible doesn’t mean checking your humanity at the door.

Why do I not only remember but literally cherish this story of my humiliating error?

It reminds me that I can only lead when I am honest with myself and others about my blind spots. It helps me to value all my relationships because it is in relationship that we see our failings as well as our potential mirrored back to us.

I believe in our collective resilience. 
I believe in the transformative power of saying, I’m sorry. I made a mistake. 
I believe in feeling the pain when I mess up.
I believe in forgiving myself for being human. 
I believe in taking responsibility for making new choices.

Your turn. Dig out the old humiliating stories and start telling them. Cherish them for who they have allowed you to become.

Your Personal Message ---meet me at the well #trust30

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

 -----

I can’t agree with Emerson. My view is to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, is hubris.

How dare I presume to know what lives in your heart? How sad that I might never try to find out. And yet, to deny what is true for me is betrayal of who I was meant to be.  

 It is an ongoing challenge to listen deeply to ourselves so that we can begin to live in consonance with our truest self. And then to face each other in honesty and with a deep respect for beliefs which differ from our own-that is courage. And perhaps, that is love.  

 

The metaphor that speaks to me here is a deep well. Would that we were deep wells for each other. Taking in the echo of each other’s words, reflecting back each other’s  countenance and offering life giving nourishment.

Meet me at the well. We have much to share. 

 

Travel...my porch in the Galilee #trust30

If we live truly, we shall see truly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

 

This is a tough one for me. I have been blessed with much travel in my life already.

During my 8 years growing up in Japan my family visited: Hong Kong, Guam, Thailand, Iran, Switzerland & England. During the years my husband worked at a travel company we travelled across the US as well as to Canada, France, Spain, revisited Japan and cruised the Caribbean. And I can no longer count the number of times I have been back and forth to Israel and hope to end my life there.

 

So Chris, I have to say that my sincerest wish is to sit on my porch in the Galilee and visit with family and friends sharing laughter and comfortable silences. I will continue to nurture my relationships, and appreciate all that comes to me in this life.  I will live truly, and we shall see….

One Strong Belief: We Have a Choice #Trust30

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

 

 we always have a choice

The fabric of our world is woven with a promise- that we can always return to our best selves, to our core values, to our inherent capacity to create a world in which all living things can thrive. I believe it is not only a promise but a choice to be made-- to be the best we can be and align with our destiny

Stoic acceptance, resignation, even despair is always knocking at the door of this belief. I am as susceptible as the people I love and live with. As I sit crouch legged on my side of the door I hear the distant calls, “You are sunk, honey” “You’re stuck” “It isn’t going to get better, so get used to it” “What can you expect of them anyway” “It’s just the way it is” “It’s just the way I am.”

When my hand stretches out to turn the knob I am in danger of betraying myself. Even as I slowly turn and consider giving in I realize—I am making a choice. What am I choosing? And with that thought, I have returned to myself. I can stand on my own two feet and see a different possibility.

 

This belief is core for me. It is rooted in my belief in God, in my reading of the bible. In my absolute certainty that our inherent capacity to choose is divinely endowed. It is also rooted in my life experience. I have made changes over and over again. I have redeemed myself over and over again. I am resilient. My relationships are resilient. Our world is resilient. 

I apologize.

I ask for a do-over (I was harsh, I am sorry. It is not who I want to be. Can we try again? I care about you.)

 

I see each new day, each new moment as a new opportunity. (I passed a homeless man on the street without a kind word yesterday, today I will smile and say hello.)

I take responsibility (Am I choosing to wallow in despair? Am I choosing to feel victimized? What can I do to shift this? Who do I need to reach out to?)

 

Today...in one sentence #trust30

Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. The force of character is cumulative. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

If ‘the voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tracks,’ then it is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today using only one sentence? Tell today’s sentence to one other person. Repeat each day.

 

Today I create with my words and my silence; today I inhabit my world with intention. 

Today...in one sentence #trust30

Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. The force of character is cumulative. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

If ‘the voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tracks,’ then it is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today using only one sentence? Tell today’s sentence to one other person. Repeat each day.

 

Today I create with my words and my silence; today I inhabit my world with intention. 

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For the next 30 days I will be joining in the Domino Project's celebration of Ralph Waldo Emerson's Birthday.

Each day I will be reflecting on a prompt that encourages us to look within! 

Join me, read me, share me...

Thank you!