Hello Anger My Old Friend.

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I have been studying anger. My anger. Mine.

 

In the world of what it means to be Pearl, it has been highly inappropriate to be angry. My Border Patrol were so effective that the mechanism for catching and refusing entry to anger was practically automatic. This means, anger took a detour and turned into ‘something else’ before I could even recognize that I was angry.

 

By something else I mean- resentment, impatience, sadness, frustration, powerlessness… I reacted to anger without even knowing that was what I was doing. People felt the brunt of my anger

 

So my new practice is to open up the borders. No checkpoints. Anger gets to show up right my front door. And I open it and say, “Hi. What brings you here? How long are you staying? What do you need?”

 

The best part of this practice has been about ownership. Owning my anger. Owning the need that propels that anger. It is my anger. (This has been good news for the people in my life too-- believe me!)

 

And I am not my anger.

As I welcome her into my space, I see that she has a message for me. There is information in my anger. And she is not trying to take over. She will give me the time and space to read the message. I get to decide how to respond. She just wants to be acknowledged. Who knew—anger can be patient.

 

And she still shows up.

Oh yes, she does. And sometimes, my border police get antsy and head her off at the pass like in the old days. I clearly need to give them a new job.