The Route to an Inviolable Marriage [relationship]

in·vi·o·la·ble:

1: secure from violation or profanation
2: secure from assault or trespass

There are a lot of things I believe are important, sacred and inviolable, but my behavior often rats me out. Do you know what I mean? Here are a few examples of what I believe, closely followed by the facts.

• I am attentive to my kids.
(Most of the time, but not always.)

• I make time for a daily spiritual practice.
(This is spotty at best.)

• I engage in meticulous self-care.
(Ha!)

After some honest soul-searching, I came up with two things I NEVER mess with:

1. My commitment to a monogamous marriage.

2. My exercise routine six days a week.

Let’s leave the exercise routine for another day–I want to talk about monogamy.

If you find yourself daydreaming about what would have happened if you married Mr. First Love, I have a couple of suggestions for you. I am keeping this simple but serious.

Love Yourself
If you want your marriage to be inviolable, the first place to look is inward–not at your partner and certainly not at that cute person standing in front of you ordering a skim chai latte! Really, there is no more important agenda on your to-do list. If you don’t care about yourself, you know how the song goes–you’ll be looking for love in all the wrong places. First it will be your kids, then the dog, and the next thing you know, you’ll be hoping your barista can make you feel lovable and alive.


Do what you have to do…you probably already know what it is. Do you need to take better care of your body so you can feel good in your own skin? Do you need to kick the sugar habit that is sending you on an emotional roller coaster? Maybe you finally need to get out of the job that is killing your soul and follow your professional passion.

Appreciate What You Have
Are you sick of hearing about how important appreciation is? Have you tried it? Because I am going to tell you to get over the hump and do it. Step one is to just notice what you appreciate about your spouse. You don’t even have to say anything. Becoming aware is going to shift something for you from the get-go.

The next step is to tell your partner. It’s going to feel really awkward at first if this is not what you usually do–a little bit like a third-grader reading her lines in the Thanksgiving pageant. But do it anyway. The more you do, the more of a habit it will become. And it will pay dividends. That’s more than you can say for most things these days